Words for Head, Nose or Soul
When someone offers us words – naughty or nice – we have three choices ...
We can:
1. Let them go over our heads and not up our noses,
2. Swallow them to heal our soul, or
3. Swallow them to poison our soul.
We’ll come back to those three in a moment and I’d like you to imagine three scenarios:
Firstly, you walk into a room and see three people talking. You’re sure they are talking about you so what do you think they’re saying – something negative or positive? What’s your first thought?
Secondly, you walk into the same room and the same three people are talking. This time you can hear their disparaging words about you. Do you feel anything and, if so, what do you feel?
Thirdly, same room, same three people and you overhear them saying very nice things about you. Do you feel anything and, if so, what do you feel?
Most of us would be affected one way or another as it’s hard to separate ourselves from our commentators – good and bad – which is why so many celebrities turn to toxic substances to blot out their adoring critics.
It is a very mature and confident person who is totally untouched by what people say about them … and don’t say about them, as per the first scenario, above.
The less confidence we have in ourselves, the more we allow the words of others – good and bad – to affect us. The effect others’ words have on us is the perfect measure of our self-confidence and emotional intelligence.
If we are doing The Work, as Byron Katie calls it, we will notice the same words from the same people have a reducing effect on us, over time – how much elation we feel from compliments and how much deflation we feel from insults.
One way of doing The Work is to refer to the choices at the start of this chapter:
1. Over your head or up your nose,
2. Swallow the healing, or
3. Swallow the poison
The words, in themselves, don’t matter; it’s what we do with them that matters. Before, we might not have known we had choices. Now we do.
When we’re initially aware that we have the three choices, we can simply observe where others’ words land – over our heads or inside for healing or poison.
Once we start observing what we do with other’s words, we can start directing them – we can become our own gate-keepers, choosing what gets in and what we do with it.
Realising we have a choice can give us a huge boost in confidence – we realise we actually have control of our life – which can change what we do with others’ words which can raise our self-confidence which can … yes, once we step on the path of choosing our reactions, our confidence and emotional maturity grows at an accelerating rate.
Try it, you’ll love it and we’ll look at setting parameters next week.